After last nights romp (and I don't mean roll in the hay...) I am in a great mood. I start back at the morgue tomorrow, day shift. I am thoroughly looking forward to sharpening my tools and cutting bodies open. Pulling out organs and playing catch with them... er... I mean inspect and weigh them respectfully.
Also starting tomorrow I will be working 7 days a week again. Not that I am complaining about that. I am always content at work. Weekends will be my favorite time to go in for I have managed to get my old job back at the mortuary. I am looking forward to cutting someone open then preparing them for burial. I know that will happen at some point. I can already smell the formalin...
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Night Shift
I look at the corpses that come in at night and find myself wondering what their stories were. Did they come from a big family? Were they prosperous? Were they a grandparent of 10? Was there a time in there life that they were so depressed they wished to be here?
I look at them and can’t help but think how dead they look. That must sound ridiculous to those who aren’t in the business. I am accustomed to dealing with two stages of death. Either I am cutting them open, which makes the deceased more like a piece of meat, or an anatomy lesson. Or I am embalming them, making them greater and more beautiful than when they were alive. Seeing nothing but dead, useless bodies is a little strange. I think working nights is starting to finally get to me. I don’t feel the release at work I used to. I might as well work stock at a retail store.
My life feels flatter than usual... boring. Displeasure and something dark is bubbling below the surface. I need to do something to calm that and make my life more interesting.
I look at them and can’t help but think how dead they look. That must sound ridiculous to those who aren’t in the business. I am accustomed to dealing with two stages of death. Either I am cutting them open, which makes the deceased more like a piece of meat, or an anatomy lesson. Or I am embalming them, making them greater and more beautiful than when they were alive. Seeing nothing but dead, useless bodies is a little strange. I think working nights is starting to finally get to me. I don’t feel the release at work I used to. I might as well work stock at a retail store.
My life feels flatter than usual... boring. Displeasure and something dark is bubbling below the surface. I need to do something to calm that and make my life more interesting.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
20 Facts About Me
01. I can’t stop the microwave if the numbers don’t end in :00 or :30. If I miss my window, I let my food overcook and give it to my dog.
02. I prefer embalming to aiding autopsies, though I prefer cutting open bodies to embalming them. Don’t ask me to explain this.
03. I have three horses, but only ride one of them.
04. I’ve been vegan since I was a kid. Not because I care about animals, but because the thought of eating them disgusts me.
05. I put salt on almost everything. Cereal, fruits, salads, soy ice-cream and so on.
06. My favorite animals are serpents. My smallest snake is 7 feet long, the largest is over 20. The best part of owning them is killing their food.
07. I read 4-6 books a week, but if the book isn’t available on my eReader I probably haven’t read it since I acquired the nifty gadget.
08. Nearly everyone in my immediate family has died a self-inflicted death. I embalmed half of them.
09. I drive a Prius because part of the false identity I made for myself to appear a little more human is pretending to care about the environment.
10. I was expelled from school for the first time in the third grade. The reason? When asked to write about what I wanted to be when I grew up I said a hit-man. When presenting this, I brought my fathers colt revolver for emphasis.
11. I clean. Everything. I spend more hours a week cleaning than I do on anything but work. My apartment, place of employment and cages always smell like bleach. My dog gets bathed every other day. The piece of shit cat that’s living with me and my breeding rats get bathed twice a week.
12. I’m an atheist. I am also anti-monotheist. It makes no sense to have an absolute view of the universe. To have right and wrong judged by an all powerful, all-knowing being who cannot be questioned or reasoned with. And in whose name horrendous acts are sanctioned without appeal.
13. When I was a kid, I thought the game ‘skin the cat’ meant actually skinning cats. That is, until I brought a stray and a knife to a play date.
14. My dog comes to work with me when I work nights, and he pees on the autopsy tables.
15. I hate holidays. They are stupid and unnecessary.
16. I take at least 3 showers a day. One when I wake up. One after work. One before bed. If I go to the barn I take a shower after I get back. If I want to take a bath I shower first.
17. When I need money, and don’t feel like dating someone to get it, I play the piano professionally or pick up horses to braid at horse shows. For the latter I gross $700 a day on average.
18. My favorite one digit number is 8. My favorite number is general is 54679.
19. I used to ride horses professionally.
20. I only wrote this list because I'm too fucking tired to write anything else.
02. I prefer embalming to aiding autopsies, though I prefer cutting open bodies to embalming them. Don’t ask me to explain this.
03. I have three horses, but only ride one of them.
04. I’ve been vegan since I was a kid. Not because I care about animals, but because the thought of eating them disgusts me.
05. I put salt on almost everything. Cereal, fruits, salads, soy ice-cream and so on.
06. My favorite animals are serpents. My smallest snake is 7 feet long, the largest is over 20. The best part of owning them is killing their food.
07. I read 4-6 books a week, but if the book isn’t available on my eReader I probably haven’t read it since I acquired the nifty gadget.
08. Nearly everyone in my immediate family has died a self-inflicted death. I embalmed half of them.
09. I drive a Prius because part of the false identity I made for myself to appear a little more human is pretending to care about the environment.
10. I was expelled from school for the first time in the third grade. The reason? When asked to write about what I wanted to be when I grew up I said a hit-man. When presenting this, I brought my fathers colt revolver for emphasis.
11. I clean. Everything. I spend more hours a week cleaning than I do on anything but work. My apartment, place of employment and cages always smell like bleach. My dog gets bathed every other day. The piece of shit cat that’s living with me and my breeding rats get bathed twice a week.
12. I’m an atheist. I am also anti-monotheist. It makes no sense to have an absolute view of the universe. To have right and wrong judged by an all powerful, all-knowing being who cannot be questioned or reasoned with. And in whose name horrendous acts are sanctioned without appeal.
13. When I was a kid, I thought the game ‘skin the cat’ meant actually skinning cats. That is, until I brought a stray and a knife to a play date.
14. My dog comes to work with me when I work nights, and he pees on the autopsy tables.
15. I hate holidays. They are stupid and unnecessary.
16. I take at least 3 showers a day. One when I wake up. One after work. One before bed. If I go to the barn I take a shower after I get back. If I want to take a bath I shower first.
17. When I need money, and don’t feel like dating someone to get it, I play the piano professionally or pick up horses to braid at horse shows. For the latter I gross $700 a day on average.
18. My favorite one digit number is 8. My favorite number is general is 54679.
19. I used to ride horses professionally.
20. I only wrote this list because I'm too fucking tired to write anything else.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Haiti
Haiti is a true three-ring circus of torture, rape, murder, name-calling and anesthetic free amputations. And nobody thought to invite me. There is an awful lot of information posted about Haiti’s condition on various human right groups. There are quite serious, shrill, in the things that are being and have been done there. Still, not much has come of it. No matter how much money is funneled into it from various rich countries, it never improves. After all, it’s only human rights.
It must be terribly frustrating for these groups to keep fighting a battle that cannot, in fact, be won. PETA seems to get much better results. These poor souls have done their research, published their results detailing rapes, electrodes and cattle prods. Listing the results of natural disasters in details. Detailing the results of long term hunger, poor water supply and unsanitary living conditions. Naming inhuman monsters who continue to wreak havoc on the islands. Yet more people boycott restaurants for mistreating chickens then care about the long term maintenance of Haiti. It’s a wonderful free-for-all where there are actually no good guys. Everyone out there helping is doing it for political reasons or to improve their standing with their gods. The awesomely basic and inhumane medical care the islanders are receiving is apparently so awful that it leaves people nostalgic for cattle prods in the rectum.
Alas, I believe it is the Haitians problem to solve whatever is ailing them. There would be a lot less bodies piled up from the recent disaster and the longer term starvation and poor living conditions if they stopped having kids and/or educated themselves enough to find work and a life off the islands. And don't waste your breathe telling me that they can't help it, it's a third world country blah blah blah because I know damn well they know where babies come from.
It must be terribly frustrating for these groups to keep fighting a battle that cannot, in fact, be won. PETA seems to get much better results. These poor souls have done their research, published their results detailing rapes, electrodes and cattle prods. Listing the results of natural disasters in details. Detailing the results of long term hunger, poor water supply and unsanitary living conditions. Naming inhuman monsters who continue to wreak havoc on the islands. Yet more people boycott restaurants for mistreating chickens then care about the long term maintenance of Haiti. It’s a wonderful free-for-all where there are actually no good guys. Everyone out there helping is doing it for political reasons or to improve their standing with their gods. The awesomely basic and inhumane medical care the islanders are receiving is apparently so awful that it leaves people nostalgic for cattle prods in the rectum.
Alas, I believe it is the Haitians problem to solve whatever is ailing them. There would be a lot less bodies piled up from the recent disaster and the longer term starvation and poor living conditions if they stopped having kids and/or educated themselves enough to find work and a life off the islands. And don't waste your breathe telling me that they can't help it, it's a third world country blah blah blah because I know damn well they know where babies come from.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Suicide Rant
To anyone who's ever tried to commit suicide, fuck you. You make the rest of our lives fucking hell. Nobody wants to have to manage your estate when you die. And if you have animals, a double fuck you. Especially if you have more than 60 of them. Who the hell is going to take care of them if you die? Chances are your family doesn't give two shits about them and only tolerate them because you're alive.
So, in closing. Don't try to kill yourself until you have gotten rid of your animals and sold you house to people like me don't get stuck with all that crap. Life insurance would be nice too. And make your method something awesome so the medical examiner, staff and your friends at the mortuary have something to talk about.
So, in closing. Don't try to kill yourself until you have gotten rid of your animals and sold you house to people like me don't get stuck with all that crap. Life insurance would be nice too. And make your method something awesome so the medical examiner, staff and your friends at the mortuary have something to talk about.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Platypus
Here’s the deal. I’m starved for entertainment, and as a bloodthirsty bitch, I like my entertainment to be violent. The people I have been around lately are like a dictionary with an index- really stupid. I’d estimate that their intelligence level hovers around that of plaque. This morning I was asked the deepest question I have heard all week… whether or not I like duck-billed platypuses. Excuse me? Come again? Why should I give a rats ass either way? After stating that, the guy that asked me the question looked at me and simply said that he had been asking people that for years, and nobody ever had an opinion on them. I still am not sure why he cares.
It’s sad that this was the highlight of my social day, well, night. So I am pulling myself away from the idiots that I am dealing with and finding a new crew to play with. I am have also been attempting a new lying/bullshitting strategy. It works. Tell the truth first and people don't believe you- then they buy the lie. Interesting shit.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Changes
People respond to change in many different ways, and how we, as individuals, perceive change often determines how we react to it. In general, a new situation is initially met with apprehension and frustration, and is experienced as negative- unless, of course, there has been plenty or forewarning. Even then… most people seem to resist it.
But, alas, change is a part of life. If things never changed we would be quite bored. From the moment we are birthed into this crazy ass world, things around us are changing. We, ourselves are changing- physically, emotionally and intellectually. Siblings may be added to the family. Parents grow old and hopefully die sooner rather than later. Friends come and go. Buildings and roads are built where beautiful forests and farmland used to be.
In an ideal world, periods of change will alternate with periods of stability and calm. Focus will shift between worrying about the future and being happy with the present. One might think that with all the changes we are faced with throughout our lives that we, as a species, would be quite good at handling change. Maybe some are.
I don’t know about all of you, but I only like change if I create it. It is in the same class as chaos. I want to be in control. I am not in control of this change and that is going to have to be remedied.
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