Son, I Love You. Please Die.

What do I find when I get to work today? No bodies. Not one. No decaying goodness for me to practice my deranged art on, just an appointment to preplan a funeral. I slept an hour before going into work today, making me even crankier than usual. That's saying something, since I am usually quite cranky when dealing with the living.

Rarely do I get a young healthy person coming in to plan what kind of funeral they want. Typically my preplans are elderly, some are younger but have an illness that will probably kill them. This is the demographic I expect when I have an appointment. I had a cup of coffee and brooded while waiting for Mr. Doe to show up.

One minute after his appointment was supposed to start (yes, I was irritated with him being late) a young twenty something walks in with a black eye, staples across his forehead, and his arm in a sling. Instantly I am intrigued. We make our introductions before getting started.

Him: I wrapped my car around a tree and want to plan my funeral.
Me: Well, I can help you with that, but it looks like you survived it.
Him: *laughs*

I showed him some options in the price range he was inquiring about. He chose cremation, with a tree planting ceremony on his family farm.

Him: If I die before my mom does, don't let her bury me.
Me: As long as our paperwork is in order, your wishes will be carried out.
Him: You don't know my ma. She will come in here and beat you with a shovel to get my body so she can bury me.
Me: I'm impervious to shovels.

Turns out the reason he came in to plan his funeral was because he and his mother had a huge argument in the hospital as to what she would have done if he died. She wanted a large catholic funeral and already had the clothes picked for him to wear.

This struck me as a little strange. The guy spent a few hours in the ER before getting sent home, so it wasn't like she had days to mull over her plans while he was in the ICU. Wouldn't most parents be glad their child was alive, or scold them for almost killing himself and totaling the car, instead of worrying about a funeral?