Hamburgers Are Thicker Than Blood

People are arrogant, undeserving to live, taking over the planet, not worth my time, insignificant, untrustworthy, and narcissistic.

Many many years ago, I had a pet cow. This cow (well, steer) was my pride an joy. I raised him on a bottle, broke him to ride, and spent a lot of time with him. When I was expelled from school, father decided it was a good time for hamburger and slaughtered him to teach me a lesson. Once Eclipse was slaughtered I realized that nobody would look out for my self interest, except for me. I wouldn't say the event was traumatic, as cattle are sent to slaughter every day, but it was a moment of clarity that a lot of people never experience. There is no reason to trust or enjoy people, because they are always looking out for themselves with little to no regard as to how it will effect others.

I don't believe them to be worth my time. They're either far too trusting for their own good (making it too easy for me or someone else to hurt them), or they are out for themselves (which leaves me at risk for being hurt). If I had to choose a group to be around, I would begrudgingly surround myself with the arrogant and self-centered because they are more likely to leave me be, and because naivety is highly irritating.

Not all people who experience a potentially traumatic event will actually become psychologically traumatized. Some people can and do take everything in stride and are equipped to handle things that other people find traumatizing. In the case of fathers suicide, I believe that it would be ridiculous to mourn him since I had no emotional attachment to him. Why mourn the loss of something that you fantasized about killing in a slow and painful way? That would be nonsensical. He did bad things. I wanted him dead. He's dead. End of story.

People are generally repulsive to me, so when one dies there is a part of me that silently (sometimes not so silently) rejoices. That is one less person to socially interact with, one less person who wants reassuring physical contact, one less person to have awkward conversations with. Dealing with peoples emotions causes everything from unease to nausea, so I prefer to stay away. I'd rather spend time with my pet cow than with my family, at least when I had a cow.

(This was in response to someone asking me if past trauma shaped my view on people.)