100 Foot Lake Monster

I have always been a handful. I would kill my child if he acted anything like me (though for some reason I have a feeling Des won't be all that different...). Mother tried to get me to play with dolls, but from a young age I knew I wasn't the motherly sort. I will go ahead and say it- I was Satan's Understudy. Every doll or action figure I was given were punctured, dismembered, melted over an open flame, sunk in homemade quicksand, and tortured with minor acid from brothers chemistry set. Their cries for mercy went unheeded.

When I wasn't mass murdering my action figures, I was on the piano. I don't know many six year-olds who have the patience to sit and play music for hours, but it was always something I enjoyed. I suppose it's odd since nobody in my household played at the time. Maybe I just knew early on that death (whether doll, human or animal) and the piano would be my passions. But perhaps the reason is a little more obvious.

My parental unit had a fascination with being at the nearby lake. They used to drag all their kids there and try to get us to swim and boat and so forth. I am not a fan of water (unless it comes from a tap and is used for cleaning). I hear people talk about it like it's a special force or something spiritual. I look at it and see a series of billions upon billions of molecules consisting of two parts hydrogen combined with one part oxygen... and nasty stuff. Nasty, nasty stuff. I look into lakes (or worse, the ocean) and see demons writhing in their tormented agony.

In case anyone is wondering why I have such an aversion to water I will go ahead and write it. If you aren't the least bit interested- move along.

Please keep the accusations of 'creative license', or 'slight exaggeration', or 'blatant lying' to yourself. When I was learning to swim in the lake I was attacked by what must have been a ten foot monster under the surface. I didn't feel it grab me but why else would I suddenly be unable to swim? (Not that I could swim before... but since everyone else could I should have been able to.) As soon as the 20 foot long creature started pulling me under, cocoons of demon butterflies started hatching in my stomach. I certainly didn't know I had those so it must have been the 48 foot creatures kin, trying to help it drown me. I almost died and have never really wanted to go back into the lake of death- or any other lake for that matter.

(Did I mention this disgusting lake monster was at least 20 tons and 100 feet long?!)